What do you when you’re drowning
Do you pull every branch out there
Do you hold on to the shallow ends in the hope they’ll keep you safe
Do you let someone try to keep you from drowning
And take them down with you
When you’re falling
Do you panic and ruin everything around you like the storm that you are
Do you avoid the deep ends
Or do you take every rope extended to you that makes you stayz
When you’re running away
Do you take those you love with you
Or do you leave them behind for their own good
Do you kiss them goodbye
So when you’re drowning
And running away
How do you stumble upon your perserverance and indefatigable efforts and stay where you are?
Sometimes I live in other places
Sometimes I live in different zones
I might be with you in the present
I might be with someone else in my mind
Sometimes I belong to other countries
Sometimes I belong in different times
I might be living in the 21st Century in the present
I might be in the Victorian Era in my mind
Sometimes I am in stories
Sometimes I am in the truth
I might be a legal associate in the present
I might be Katniss Everdeen in my mind
Sometimes I hold on to pieces
Sometimes I hold on to lies
I might be playing chess in the present
I might be a detective in my mind
Sometimes, I live on the beachside
Sometimes I live in your heart
I might be going for a swim in the present
I might be revelling in your love in my mind.
Thank you for being the pillar in my life
Thank you for being my guiding light
Thank you for holding my hands when things weren’t right
And thank you for pushing me forward when I couldn’t see the light
Seeing you live through your struggles without giving up on mine
Seeing you hold on to us, despite the time
Seeing you cherish our love and care
I’ve learned of hope from you, mama bear.
On nights when I held on to your warmth,
Thank you for not pulling back
Thank you for solving my problems for me
And believing I could solve them too.
Thank you for seeing your hope in me
And holding my hand to come through
Even on days when you probably didn’t want to.
I thank you for choosing us.
How do you forget someone who took away your soul
How do you be okay with that someone having a piece of it embedded in them
How do you relinquish the palm that held you close
How do you breathe after closing the gates to the one who made you breathless
How do you create after losing your sense of colour
How do you sit alone and calm yourself down after bidding adieu to the one who lived with you in this chaos.
How do you survive on the subtle warmth from strangers after extinguishing your bonfire
How do you learn to love after saying goodbye to a part that left an empty space in you
It is a Friday night, I lie on my bed, over my stomach, peering over the Netflix flick I decided to watch. A bottle of soda lies next to me while I cover myself in the warm fuzzy blanket, to replace the warmth from the lack of human contact, just kidding, I love this.
An opened box of delivery lies beside my bed, next to my shoes that I dumped upside down to jump into the comfortable night. I munch on some popcorn as I watch Noah Centenio create hopes that I am not sure exist.
The fairy lights on the wall behind me, do little to light up the dark room, with its dullness consoling my soul . The novels I was to read, but ended up choosing a movie over, are cramped up in the corner of side table where the guilt of skipping reading them doesn’t reach me.
As I go through the 2 hours of engaging my emotions, I think about how being around people, excites me yet tires me, irks me yet, cheers me. As I begin to contemplate the content that solitude brings, I forget about the thoughts it burdens me with.
Thank you for offering me a life full of adventures
Crazy ones, basic ones,
Ones I can’t handle and ones I laugh about.
Thank you for offering me learnings
I’d rather miss, I’d rather diss.
Ones I wouldn’t accept, ones I would detest.
Thank you for offering me the days that shine too bright
gleaming smiles and dizzying nights.
Ones I can’t forget and ones I love being a part of
Thank you for offering me sights
I’d rather evade, I’d rather bade.
Ones I wouldn’t believe , ones I would grieve
Thank you for offering me a sky that glitters blue
Brimming with beauty and granting recluse
One I can stand under, One I can hide under
Thank you for offering me the rains
I’d rather take cover under, I’d rather kiss a lover under
Ones I’d get soaked in, Ones I’d get choked in.
I stand under the bus stand, waiting for a lot of things but not the bus. I stand under the shelter it provides from the heavy rain that splatters the corners of my pants.
I look up, at the moon, it is barely visible. The clouds hide the remains that I could see from here. So I look down, I look at the ripples created in the water. It has a calming effect on the tangles in my mind.
I love the calm a little too much. Perhaps because of tangles you create in my head. The paradox of your being instills tremors in me that wreck my whole world.
I barely make sense of myself and even more so of you. You are really difficult.
I glance on the road, and I look at you casually strolling through, under your umbrella, in the warmth of your jacket, as I sit here in the cold, shivering a bit, losing my mind waiting.
You come close to the stop, and rest your shoulder on the pole by the stand. You realise what you’ve done and you realise you’d rather not take comfort in the shelter I’ve occupied. You keep your distance. I expect words from you, I expect apologies and emotions from you. You continue standing there.
How many more times, Do I owe myself a heartbreak? How many more times do I owe myself those situations when I need you and really am just there alone?
I get up. Without a second glance, I run away. Leaving you the way you ought to be.